12 years ago started this amazing journey

12 years ago this September was one of the happiest days of my life, our 2nd child was born, being one of the happiest days on one hand it was a devastating day on the other for me.  My husband didn't want any more children so he decided we needed to get my tubes tied, since I was having a C Section it wouldn't be anymore surgery if we did it on the same day.  I didn't want to do it but I went along with it and was not happy about it at all.  He knew my feelings about wanting more children and I knew his, it wasn't that he didn't like being a dad, he loved that part and is an awesome dad! It was he didn't feel we could afford any more children.  I respected that, but still didn't like it.  So in the delivery room when the Dr asked one more time before he did the procedure, because he (the dr) knew I didn't want it, my husband said "yes"

Well a couple of years had past and I wanted another baby, and believe it or not so did my husband! I looked into having a tubal reversal, and that was PRICEY!!! $10,000! YIKES! We didn't have that kind of money laying around. And my husband didn't want a baby that much! I will admit, I held a grudge against my husband for this decision, it was really hard to get over, and took years to finally truly forgive him for that decision.  We both told people it was the worst decision we ever made. (but now we feel very differently)  For 6 years I prayed for another child DAILY! We both prayed for a miracle to happen and God to allow the tubal to fail.  It never happened. 

After praying for 6 years, God told me I will have another child! I didn't tell my husband this, and I don't know the reason, just that I didn't. This was in 2006, I wish I had wrote the day down and you will see why as you read more.  God didn't tell me when or how I would have another child just that it would happen.    Do you ever try to figure out Gods promises to you? Do you ever try to "help" God out with His promises to you? Well I did, I started searching tubal reversals again, well good news, the price had went down, $5500! That is great, but I still don't know if my husband will spend that much!

I finally, 3 years later, told my husband Gods promise to me. Still not knowing Gods plan, I tried to figure it out.  I wanted it to happen NOW! We talked about the reversal, adoption and foster care to adopt.  Honestly, I didn't want to adopt, I wanted to carry another baby. I wanted to be pregnant again.  Deep down I actually was against adoption.  I wanted to feel the babys kick, hear the heart beat, see the ultrasound and just go thru the whole thing again. On top of those feelings, I didn't want to raise a child and then one day he or she want to leave and go find their birth family! At that time I knew 2 adopted adults that was doing that and it crushed me, I felt so sorry for their parents, and I don't even know if it bothered their parents or not.

God started dealing with me. He was showing me that I was a VERY selfish person! He showed me I was choosing to not give a child a home because I wanted things for myself, to carry the child, to see the child in an ultrasound, to hear the heart beat in me, to just be pregnant again!  This went on for about a year. 

During this time, we met a pastor from Ghana, Africa.  He came to our church and I loved listening to his stories about his country.  We talked to him on several occasions and each time I found myself more and more interested in the country.  After he went back to Ghana, 3 men from our church were going to there to meet him and do other mission work, this was fall 2009. Before they left I jokingly told my best friends husband to find me a little boy while he was there.  I didn't really think we would adopt, especially from Africa!  They came home and we looked at pictures and listened to their stories and once again I was just so interested in every detail of their trip.  I loved looking at the pictures and seeing the faces of Ghana!